Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
