when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
