I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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