Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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