so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
