I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There's even glitter on my cock...
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