Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
