How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
