the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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