and you said cock pushups were impossible
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
