When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
