Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
