I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
