Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
