Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
