She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
