your thong is hanging out like whoa
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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