I bet he comes in French.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
