I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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