dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
