I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
