evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize