dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
