Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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