we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize