So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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