i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
