I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
