why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
