yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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