so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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