I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
