they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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