I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
