I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
