it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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