Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
