so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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