i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
