As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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