Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
