i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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