I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
