turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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