Me too!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
