I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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