Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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