I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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