she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
