i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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