I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
