so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
