just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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