Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
