I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
