She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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