check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
