U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
