Someone shit on the floor
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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