I want to make a zoo with you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
