i just google imaged poop.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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