I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
