i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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