Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
