She's JV to your varsity
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
