I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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