We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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