it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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