your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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