The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
