and you said cock pushups were impossible
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
